


Alone but not unloved

by Deviant_Angel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Human!Castiel - Freeform, M/M, My First Destiel Fanfic, No Smut, Oneshot, Takes place after leviathans, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, ok enough of this, revisit of canon character deaths, sorry if it's bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2014-12-23
Packaged: 2018-03-03 02:17:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2834546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deviant_Angel/pseuds/Deviant_Angel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oneshot where Castiel tells Dean what he really wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alone but not unloved

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for Deciding to read this *hugs* feel free to comment or follow me on Tumblr:sheenkirsctein Enjoy!

Castiel looked solemnly out the motel window. The sky was demon-eyed black and the forgotten and lost souls of the fallen twinkled brightly against their opaque backdrop. He snuggled closer into the bed sheet that was draped over his neck. The body next to him shifted, stilled then started to gently snore. Cas stifled a small laugh and sighed deeply. An aching was scratching at his stomach, and the empty hole inside of him seemed to have grown deeper tonight.   
Today’s hunt had left him feeling torn and like there was an itch beyond his reach he couldn’t scratch. It was a normal hunt in the sense that it was simply a vile demon possessing innocent people. But what made him really upset was the family that the demon was targeting.

It was a single dad with four sons and daughter, there mother had died with the death of the youngest son. What had really made Castiel and even Dean view this family different was how incredibly similar the sister looked like Anna.   
He had gone with Dean to question the family as Dean's FBI partner, as was now normal since Castiel had fallen. The sister was the one who answered the door, and when she had all of Castiel's breath left him in a wave of disbelief. Her Scarlet red hair being the biggest resemblance to Anna, and the interior lighting from behind her made her look almost heavenly. At one point, when the girl had left to get coffee from the kitchen, Dean had put his hand on top of Castiel's and smiled reassuringly. Before removing his hand and acting as though the moment had never happened. 

But now laying in his shared bed gazing out the window, the small emotional tear running down his face told Castiel that everything was not ok. He missed Heaven, and he missed his family. The worst part was that Castiel had no wish to see his current family living in Heaven, he missed the ones that along with him had also fallen. Gabriel, Anna, and the worst Balthazar who had died at the hand of his own blade. He had loved them all dearly not like he now loves the warm snoring, cantankerous human soundly asleep next to him but very close. Dean always asked him what he wanted but at the time Castiel never had an answer, but now he finally did.

"Dean. I want my family back. Please Dean that is…all I’ve ever wanted." His voice cracked with sadness as his tears flowed freely down his face making little streams down his cheeks. Cas squeaked as there was movement on the bed behind him and an arm wrapped around his side. Accompanied by a warm breath on his neck that smelt faintly like alcohol.

"I can't bring your family back. It’s not possible." Dean's deep voice was barely above a whisper and made Castiel shiver.

"Cas I really hope you know I’d do anything for you man but this is one thing I can’t do. And every day I live with that. I live with the fact that you've done so much for me and I can't even return the favor." Dean’s voice kept up its wall of emotion but Castiel knew that Dean was as sad as he was. Castiel turned around to face dean and buried his head into Dean’s shoulder, like a scared child which is exactly what he is. A scared helpless child who messes everything up and hurts the people he loves the most. Dean placed a small kiss to the top of Castiel's head as his cries turned into uncontrolled sobbing.

"Shh it's ok" Dean whispered as he stroked Castiel's back softly. Castiel's hands clenched Dean’s old AC DC shirt tightly

"I just....don’t want to feel so alone." Castiel whispered, which was unnecessary since Sam had his own room and couldn’t hear them.

"I know Cas any you'll never be. You've got me and we've got Sammy." The little emotional wall fell for a split second as Deans voice cracked for the second time.

"But it is not the same Dean...it is not at all the same." Castiel said and Dean sighed softly his breath tickling Castiel's ear, sending shills down his back. 

"You know Cas...we could always putting hunting on hold." Castiel froze and he sat up to look Dean in the eyes to see if he was sincere, but the look of adoration in his hunters eyes told him what he needed to know.

"Dean you do not mean that. I would never…" Castiel tried to respond but Dean cut him off.

"Oh shut up in not saying we stop. Just to maybe appreciate some things and..." He paused and stared past Castiel and out the window. Castiel raised an eyebrow not understanding what he was implying. The hunter’s vagueness on subjects was always something that the fallen angel hated. 

"And..?" Castiel said laying back down to rest his head on dean’s chest. Without breaking his gaze from the window he spoke 

"I thought maybe...maybe we could...” 

"God damn it Dean spit it out!" Castiel hissed in frustration which just earned him a little laugh from Dean. 

"Cas have you ever thought of having a family." Castiel rolled his eyes.

"Dean I have told you I miss my sib...” Castiel began but once again Dean cut him off sharply.

"No. I mean like your own family. I guess you could say our family." Dean said and let out a nervous laugh as he finished speaking.

"Deeeean we both know that it is physically impossible for us to conceive...” 

"Yeah I know" Dean said dismissively "But. There's always adoption....I’m sorry forget I said anything its stupid." Castiel could tell Dean was blushing and smiled warmly at him. Castiel laid his hand on Dean's cheek and tilted his head up to meet Dean's eyes. 

"It is not stupid. Nothing you say is ever stupid to me Dean." He felt the warmth of Dean's blush spread under his palm.

"And to be perfectly honest I think it is a very good idea." Dean's lips met Castiel's and Castiel soaked in the sweet alcohol taste that was Dean. They kissed slowly like this for a little while longer until Dean pulled away slowly making Castiel groan in annoyance. 

"You know you really do know how to make a man feel good about himself." Dean said and laughed. 

"That's not the only thing I can make a man feel good about." Castiel whispered into Dean’s ear and to prove his point brought his mouth down to Dean's collarbone and nipped at the skin. Dean gasped.

"You cheeky Son of a bitch. Sorry to ruin the mood but I'm tired as fuck and I don’t mind settling for cuddling." Cas nodded, because he was also emotionally and physically fatigued. Cas turned to face the window, Dean’s arm wrapped around his side while his legs wrapped around Castiel's efficiently making Castiel the little spoon. Dean rested his head on Castiel's shoulder and nuzzled his nose into Cas's neck. 

"I love you." Dean hummed sweetly into Castiel's ear. 

"I love you too Dean."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this it means a lot to me ^.^ if you have any thoughts or suggestions feel free to comment or tell me on tumblr.


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